akshitgaur2005.tngl.sh
Musings from the mountains
himwant.org
Am I alone?
+36
-8
+36
-8
src/content/posts/perpetual.org
+36
-8
src/content/posts/perpetual.org
···
77
77
78
78
What do you think you have been doing till now :) The problem isn't you asking me a question, the problem is you asking an answer. You refuse to think about it, you refuse to take on that burden because you are afraid of what your answer could be
79
79
80
+
But if others hate me, what will I do? How will I live completely alone?
81
+
82
+
Why do you live?
83
+
84
+
What do you mean why do I live?
85
+
86
+
I mean why are you still alive, if you don't have any hope, why haven't you killed yourself?
87
+
88
+
Because people I care about, my parents, my friends, would be sad if I died
89
+
90
+
So you live for others?
91
+
92
+
Isn't that good enough?
93
+
94
+
You are making excuses, just like you always do. Pretending to be the forever victim, the one who couldn't have done any wrong, the one who fate has robbed at every turn.
95
+
80
96
...
81
97
82
-
You never thought, neither did you talk to anyone about this
98
+
You like having othes depend upon you, even if for the very smallest of the things, it satisfies that twisted little mind of yours, it makes you feel worth something.
83
99
84
-
Well, I did not want to look crazy you know. You say opinions of others don't matter, but they do matter to me. I would like my parents to like me, I would like if that girl thinks positively of me, I would like if people would admire me, I would like...
100
+
That could be...
85
101
86
-
And who wouldn't! Relationships are spices to the food that is life, if the food is not complete, the spices would just make it worse. Relationships can only complement you, not complete you. If you want real _happiness_, you've got to find it for yourself, not wait for someone to give it to you! Isn't that what you have been doing?
102
+
If you want real happiness, you have got to find it for yourself, not wait for somebody to give it to you! Isn't that what you have been doing?
87
103
88
-
I'm worthless, nobody needs me
104
+
I am worthless, nobody needs me.
89
105
90
-
You seek your value in the perception of others
106
+
You seek your value in the perce
107
+
108
+
AHHH SHUT UP!!!
91
109
92
-
AHHHH SHUT UP SHUT UP
110
+
ption of others. Do you fear being alone? You're afraid that you will lose your identity if others leave you
93
111
94
-
you're afraid that you will lose your identity if others leave you
112
+
JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!! HOW CAN A FLOATING VOICE EVEN DARE TELL ME THAT!!
95
113
96
-
nobody cares about me, nobody stays with me so i don't want to depend on anybody but i hate it at the same time! it's a pain! i don't want to be alone!
114
+
You're afraid that you will disappear from the mind of others. Each conversation they have that doesn't involve you, each inside joke that you are not part of, each knowing glance that you can't decipher scares you. Isn't that right?
115
+
116
+
No it is not, I want to be alone, I don't feel emotions since a long time, I have not cried in 5 years, I have always been alone and I like being alone. That is the reason I left my home and came to a new city for school. I want to be alone.
117
+
118
+
Was it really that or did you just want the attention to yourself? Tired of the fact that your brother was the one your mother has always liked more? What about when your entire family had that car crash and your mother kept looking for him, not even bothering to look at you? Or how your father was so focused on getting your mother in the hospital that he just left you with a stranger, with a broken and bleeding foot and a detached year? How old were you then, 13?
119
+
120
+
I did not do it for attention. And anyways, nowadays the DO focus more on me!
121
+
122
+
Yes, after your brother disappointed them for 5 years straight. Huh, the same amount of years that took you to regain their trust after exactly two lies!! Do you think things will remain the same once he regains it too, as he is currently doing, or will they revert back to how things actually were? A 3 year old boy getting beaten up because he wanted his favourite song to play, a 8 year old getting beaten because his hand writing is not that good, a 15 year old getting beaten up because somebody stole the handle grips from his bicycle?
123
+
124
+
Even if they do, I don't care, things have always been like that and I have made my peace with it